


Please, I Just Want to Be Treated as Though I Matter…

by iZombi



Series: Sabaton x Reader [2]
Category: Sabaton (Band)
Genre: Angst, Breaking down walls, Care, Comfort, F/F, F/M, Gen, Healing from the past, Healing from trauma, Joakim and Pär, Just to be safe, Love, M/M, Multi, RATED MATURE for DISRISPECT OF AN INDIVIDUAL, Tears, and poor reader is terrified of, are just in shock, but the fear still lingers, growing as a person, it happening again, loving and caring partners, mentions of past abuse (?), mentions of past bullying, mentions of past trauma, past abuse (?), past bullying, past trauma, people can be assholes, people disrespected reader, respect you so hearing, situation in hopes, so they explain their, sorry for over-tagging, tagged as mature, that hurts their hearts, they both love and
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-15
Updated: 2021-02-15
Packaged: 2021-03-17 11:40:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,981
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29471091
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iZombi/pseuds/iZombi
Summary: You’ve been a part of Sabaton for five years as a keyboard player, and in the span of those five years you began dating Pär, the two of you quietly loving each other in private and keeping things civil and cordial amongst friends, that was at least until Joakim became a part of your worlds, extending the relationship into that of a polyamorous one. While you love your two boyfriends with your entire heart and soul, you can’t help but fear their reactions if they were to find out about your sexual orientation… Would they leave you? Would they belittle you? Would they rip your heart out like the rest? There was only one way to know for sure, and that was to face your problems head-on…
Relationships: Joakim Brodén / Reader (You), Joakim Brodén/Pär Sundström, Pär Sundström / Reader (You)
Series: Sabaton x Reader [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2163246
Comments: 2
Kudos: 2





	Please, I Just Want to Be Treated as Though I Matter…

**Author's Note:**

> TW: 
> 
> **RATED MATURE for: THE DISRESPECT OF ANOTHER INDIVIDUAL, PAST ABUSE (?), PAST TRAUMA, PAST BULLYING. 
> 
> **PLEASE, IF ANY OF THESE UPSET YOU THEN DO NOT READ, IF YOU DO WISH TO READ THEN PLEASE EXERCISE CAUTION.
> 
> **DISCLAIMER: This story and the event that takes place in it is purely fictional, however it contains very real people, and any similarities to any real situation(s) is purely coincidental.
> 
> IF YOU BELIEVE THAT THIS STORY MAY UPSET YOU IN ANY WAY, THEN PLEASE REFRAIN FROM READING AND EXERCISE CAUTION WHEN READING.
> 
> \- - -

Your heart was currently soaring in your chest, it felt like it was doing multiple backflips and front flips as you stared at yourself in the bathroom mirror, your face growing sweaty and hands getting clammy. You couldn’t get yourself to calm down ever since you decided to just get over your initial fears and to just tell your two boyfriends of your sexual orientation…

You were hypnotized, staring at your reflection, you silently wondered to yourself:

_‘Would they accept me?’_

_‘What if they say I’m broken?’_

_‘What if they laugh in my face?’_

_‘What if-‘_

A knock at the door startled you out of your thoughts, you jumped hard and bit back a yelp of surprise,

“ _Are you ok my love?”_ it was Joakim, he was calling to you from the otherside of the door, “ _You’ve been in there for two hours, is everything ok?” _he sounded incredibly worried over you, and with a splash of cold water to your face, wiping yourself down, you finally decided to leave the bathroom,

You extended a shaky hand and undid the lock and opened the door, there in front of you was Joakim, he looked very worried and had his mouth open to say something but you cut him off,

“-We _need_ to _talk_ …” you said simply, the words that came out of your mouth were a lot harsher than you initially intended to make them, you mentally slapped yourself for that.

Joakim bit his lower lip and frowned at you,

_‘Shit, now he looks more afraid than I am…! Way to go y/n… way to go…’_ you thought,

Joakim sighed, part of him was hoping that it wasn’t what he was dreading to hear but didn’t say anything, “Should I go get Pär…?” he asked you,

You nodded, and simply walked off to the shared bedroom of you three,

“I’ll be in here...” you said, softly this time, you almost sounded sad to Joakim’s ears,

“…Ok…” he said as you heard him walk off and get Pär,

You sat there quietly and looked down at your hands, ‘ _It’s ok, you’ve got this, just be strong… use those breathing techniques… you’ll get through this…’_ you told yourself, clenching your hands into fists to give yourself whatever metaphorical strength you could,

‘ _If they don’t love you for who you truly are… then fuck them… you’re better off without people like that in your life…’_ you nodded to yourself, after all, who wants to be in a toxic relationship?

Love can only be true if the person you care about, loves and respects _every_ aspect of you…

Your headshot up when you heard Joakim knock softly on the door, you turned to look at him and found Pär behind him, sporting an equally worried expression,

“Ah, come in…” you gave them a tiny smile, “Come sit…” You patted the empty spots on either side of you on the bed, inviting them over to you.

Both Pär and Joakim took off his shoes and joined you on the bed, sitting down beside you,

“So…. uh… what did you want to talk about, dear?” Joakim tried, still ever the sensitive partner, he could practically sense your worry and was trying to stay as calm as he could for both you and Pär,

You looked down and tugged at the sleeves of your shirt, you could see the stitching slowly coming undone, “I…” you sighed, taking in a deep breath before trying again, “I-I have something important I want to talk about…” you started,

Pär nodded, “Whatever it is, just know we're here for you…”

You nodded and sighed, you kept your gaze down to the floor as you explained yourself,

“First of all, I want to apologize to Joakim for how I spoke earlier, I’m sorry if I sounded like I was angry, that wasn’t how I wanted to talk to you, I’m sorry…

Well… I guess I should just explain myself then? Hmm… well…” You took a shaky breath, already feeling tears prick at the corners of your eyes, you sighed and continued,

You told the two that sat beside you of your sexual and romantic orientations, what it meant and how it was something that you were _extremely_ proud of being because it was a part of you that you had discovered of yourself that you had previously not known about and when you embraced it, you fell in love with it and it helped you grow and discover more about yourself,

Biting your lip as you stifled a whine and a half cry, you bitterly continued with clenched fists of how others in your past belittled you for it, how they made you feel worthless, told you that you were _less than human_ for it, that _no one would love you_ -

You had to stop as a sob escaped your lips, it hurt, it hurt _so fucking much_ to have to relive and express the pain that you had to endure for years to these men,

You loved them with all your heart and you knew that they loved you too, but you feared abandonment, you feared the prospect of dying alone and never finding love, it was a horrible feeling and wretched thought that tore at your mind, forever taunting you.

You took a deep and shaky breath, and powered on,

You told them of what you thought about the pain you went through and how it _fucked you up_ and how you loved them both _so damn much_ and how you **_didn’t_** want to lose either of them,

But, you also spoke of how you wouldn’t hold it against them if they thought you were _disgusting_ to them…

Another sob broke out, this one destroyed you as you curled forward in on yourself, letting the sadness overwhelm you,

It was too much,

_Too damn much_ ,

But you _had_ to get it all out, you knew that facing your demons head-on was better than denying who you were to the two men who you loved so dearly.

You felt strong arms embrace you, pulling you into a warm and loving embrace,

It was Joakim and unbeknownst to you, as you sobbed openly on his chest, staining his shirt with your tears, he too was crying because of everything you had just spoken of,

He caressed your back lovingly and placed many kisses on your head, he was speaking sweet nothings into your ear to get you to calm down,

“Sh-Shh… e-easy babe… easy… breathe…” he spoke with a shaky voice, his own tears rolling down his face, but the poor sap was by far more worried over you than he was of himself.

Pär shifted himself closer to you two, he wiped Joakim’s tears away and kissed the back of your head, “Breath slowly darling, easy… easy…”

Both men were thoroughly in shock at everything they just heard come from your mouth, _‘How on earth could people be so cruel to someone like this?’_ they both thought as they looked down at you,

Pär didn’t want to make you feel as though you were being suffocated so he settled on petting your hair and caressing Joakim’s cheek,

You sniffled and pulled away from Joakim’s chest, “S-S-Sorry…” you spoke, apologizing for the mess you caused on his shirt,

Joakim shook his head at you, “N-No! Its o-ok! I Don’t mind!” he spoke with a smile and a chuckle, “Do you feel better after crying?” he asked you, still worried over you.

You nodded, “Yes, I am… thank you…” You shot him a smile that Joakim mirrored with that of his own, and you quietly swore to yourself that your boyfriend’s smile shone as bright as the sun,

Pär behind you tapped your shoulder gently, you turned to face him, “Yes, honey?” you asked him,

“Would you like a hug?” he asked, you could tell that he was just as hurt as Joakim was, but he did a much better job at hiding it, _but you knew better…_

With a nod, he pulled you in and hugged you tight kissing your forehead,

“You are _not disgusting,_ and we love you _so much y/n,_ you literally cannot fathom the amount of love that Joakim and I have for you and for each other, we would _never_ think any of those horrible disgusting things about you… _never_ …” he stressed before he pulled away from the hug, he planted another kiss on your forehead,

Joakim laughed behind you, “Yeah, he’s not wrong… we both love you very much, after all, I don’t think we’d be here if we didn’t…” he finished

You smiled at Joakim, “I’m glad that you both do… so you’re not upset or remotely disgusted at my sexual and romantic orientations?”

“Not even in the _slightest_ …” Pär confirmed,

“I mean… can _I_ be honest with both of you?“ Joakim started, You both looked over to him and nodded,

“Yeah, go ahead…” you both egged him on,

“Well, for the longest time I thought I was straight because I was always with women in both sexual and romantic relationships, and then the day I fell for Pär I thought, ‘ _huh, I don’t think I’m straight… I think I might be gay_ …’ but even then, I also fell for you, so I honestly think I might just be bisexual…” he explained

Pär nodded, “That’s fine, we all discover ourselves one way or another…” he commented,

Joakim turned to look at Pär, “And you? Are you bisexual too?” he asked him, curious to know,

“I’m a Demi sexual-Pan, means I form sexual or romantic attractions to someone when I form an emotional bond with said person, as for what ‘Pan’ means, it’s Pansexuality, it means I’m not limited in sexual choice in regard to bio-sex, gender, or a person’s gender identity…..” he explained,

Your eyes widened as you looked at your boyfriend, “Wait… you're _pan_?” you asked him, unsure if you heard him correctly,

“Yeah… why?”

“I thought you were bi!”

Pär laughed, “I can see how you might’ve gotten that… but yeah, I’m pansexual…” he confirmed,

“Oh, this is fantastic…” you commented, “My two boyfriends, one bisexual and the other demi-pan, what more could I ask for?”

“LGBTQA+ solidarity, that’s what….” Pär commented as he pressed a kiss onto your temples, “Do you feel better, babe?” he asked you

You nodded, “Oh, much better, honestly… I was going to admit that I thought you two were going to hate me… or worse… that’s why I was so nervous…” you confessed

“There’s nothing to be afraid of here, sweetheart…” Joakim spoke up, giving you a smile,

As you nodded, you could feel your heart swelling with joy inside of your chest,

Clearly, you were loved dearly and nothing would ever change that between the two men who you were with.

Pär looked over to you, “Do you want to relax with a bubble bath and some music?” he asked you, “I have some of those bath bombs you said you liked a lot, and I can put on whatever you want to listen to…” he offered you,

You thought for a moment, the idea of a nice hot bath _was very tempting…_ but you shook your head and denied the offer,

“What about a movie night? Here, at home? We can order take out and watch Disney movies…” you offered with a small smile,

“Oh, babe that sounds fantastic!” Joakim chimed in, wrapping his arms from behind you around your waist,

Pär laughed at how adorable you both looked, “Alright, movie night with take-out it is then, who’s going to order food?”

“I will!” Joakim eagerly added

“Then it’s settled!” You added joyfully, pulling both men in for a kiss, making sure to squeeze their adorable cheeks as you did so, which elicited lots of laughs from both of them as they returned the kisses.


End file.
